This ancient domed structure was discovered years ago by Cuyahoga Jones right in the middle of the Cuyahoga Valley:
"On this date, right out in plain view of nearby roads, I happened across a gigantic domed structure. It had obviously been built by a highly advanced ancient culture, . . . "
And now, years later, I have sad news to report to Cuyahoga Jones fans and to archeology fans everywhere.
Decades after making my historic discovery, I went through my old archeology journal and retraced my steps through the Cuyahoga Valley to the site of the ancient dome. Since my retirement as an Action Hero, I had decided that I now had time to go back and make a proper excavation, and to document my discovery for posterity. I would reveal the ancient dome's secrets to the world. I would achieve a measure of fame in Archeology circles as the discoverer of a pristine example of an ancient American cultural heritage site.
As my old notations and hand-drawn map brought me close to the right location, I looked up to see the ancient white dome once again. Instead, here is what my eyes beheld:
Someone had come along and excavated the site before me! The beautiful white dome was entirely missing. All that was left of the exterior of the ancient mound was a ring of stone-like material around the edges.
Vandals! Desecrators! Grave-robbers! In archeology circles, we call them "pot-hunters." Treasure-hunters who clumsily dig away ancient sites in search of artifacts they can sell quickly on the antiquities black-market, or pawn at antique shops. They despoil archeological sites, and often make it impossible for real scholars to properly excavate them. The loss is usually devastating. Scholars are often prevented from coming back to piece together the remnants of the ancient culture.
And these pot-hunters had done a thorough job of it, too, as I saw when I approached closer.
I climbed the remnant of the ancient dome. I recalled how, years ago, I had imagined hearing the ancient people who had built the magnificant structure. I knew that never again would an archeologist hear their voices coming down through the centuries. Never again would the world hear them shouting out their sacred number "4!"
I climbed further and looked inside.
My disappointment was complete. No shred of the beautiful white dome remained. The interior of the remaining ring appeared to have been scraped clean. The pot-hunters hadn't done a proper archeological dig at all! The had not carefully marked the area. They had not used hand-trowels and soft brushes to carefully extract information from the site. In fact, it appeared that they had used bulldozers and carted off every last artifact!
I went inside for a closer look.
I wondered how the discoverer of Serpent Mound would have felt if he had come back years later and found nothing left but a faint outline in the soil. He would have kicked himself for not gathering a party of experts and preserving the site for the education and wonderment of future generations.
That's how I felt. My superhuman agility and flexibility made it possible to literally kick myself. But my disappointment and frustration made it seem like too much effort at the time.
Slowly, my disappointment turned to anger. The pot-hunters must be stopped! Inside me grew a determination that I would find and arrest the vandals who had desecrated this ancient sacred ground!
I searched the interior for hours. Some evidence had to remain that could lead me to the culprits!
All I could find were rolls of artificial turf:
Obviously, the vandals had planned to cover up the evidence of their crime with the artificial turf before leaving with their ill-gotten gains! In just a few months' time, the turf would have been overgrown with native plant-life, and would have totally hidden everything from view!
They must have heard me coming, and run off before covering things up! This meant that I was hot on their trail!
Years ago, I had stumbled across what should have been a great discovery as an archeologist. And I had put off until later the hard work that would have made me the most famous archeologist of them all. Now I had stumbled into a fresh crime-scene. I would have to summon all of my incredible abilities to solve the crime, and bring justice to the perpetrators who had stolen that fame from me. . . .
I guessed that my days as an Action Hero weren't finished after all!