As a web author, I have a duty to provide accurate and useful information to my public. It has been a humbling experience to reveal my frailties here in these pages.
----Cuyahoga Jones

The personal web page is the most powerful tool for self-aggrandizement ever invented.
----Socrates

Faster than a speeding ticket. More powerful than a local phone call. Able to leap the stairs of tall buildings in a single day. "Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "No, it's Cuyahoga Jones' famous high-flying kite, Spirit of Ammonia!"
----Exerpt from the Cuyahoga Jones television pilot

I'm a little embarrassed by the "Hero" title and all the expectations my public has for me. When all is said undone, I'm just an ordinary guy. I put my pants on both legs at a time like any other man.
----Cuyahoga Jones

Humility is an attribute that few web authors possess.
----Thomas Jefferson

Do I prefer Slavic Village or Ohio City? Six of one. A dozen of the other.
----Cuyahoga Jones

I somehow knew little Cuy would grow up to be an archeologist. He was always digging something up.
----Father Mucker, principal of Our Lady of The Eternal Search Elementary School

My fans always ask me why there is so much ignorance and apathy in the world. I really don't know. Who cares?
----Cuyahoga Jones

Better to remain silent and appear ignorant than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
----Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain

I did manage to convince the maid Marion to be my wife. We had three kids, one of each.
----Cuyahoga Jones

Cuyahoga Jones' reputation predeceases him.
----Madamouselle Sans Pantalon

Better to light a single candle, then curse the darkness when you can see it better.
----Cuyahoga Jones

Cuyahoga is as Cuyahoga does.
----Forrest Drawers